Life is what you make it

It’s funny how one person can change my life so dramatically. If a person asked me a week ago if I was happy I would have said no. I was a wreck, I never wanted to get out of bed, I just wanted to cry. I hated feeling like this because of one person, but that one person is my best friend, sister, moon, gorgee, soul mate, rock to list a few. Without this girl my life was a mess, I missed her everyday, I cried everyday for 2 months, I hated the world and everything in it. All I knew is that this one person was such a major part of my life, and losing her was devastating to me, it hurt me more losing her then losing many of my loved ones. I was so alone, and lost without her, she was the one thing that kept me grounded so once I didn’t have that, I was just left floating. It hurt to go anywhere as I had so many memories all over this town with her. When you have someone in your life that you can talk to four hours about nothing, and it suddenly is no longer there, it feels like your entire heart has been ripped from your chest, like the very air you breathe is smoke, like everything is lost. People will never understand how much she means to me, it’s like she’s the light in the darkness the person who knows everything about me, she knows how to make me happy when I’m sad, knows my tickle spot, knows every little detail about me. Without her its hard to smile because she gives me more then 1000 things to smile about. 

Nobody will understand the relationship we all share. It’s like when we’re together the world makes sense, and we don’t need anyone except each other. Our friendship can best be described as a rock, cause no matter how many times a rock is cracked or broken it always finds a way of returning. Take for example sediments they were once a rock and will once again be a rock, this is our friendship, no matter how many chips or cracks are put in we just transform into a newer better rock. Also the rock is a symbol of strength and stability. So to all those who have tried to break our rock here’s to you- keep trying but just keep in mind that no matter how many times our rock is cracked or smashed it will always remain strong and intact, so yupp keep trying. 

I would also like to say to those who are upset that we are talking and who considered themselves to be my friend, I hope you read this and realize that she is the only person who can make me smile without trying, she makes me happy and to me that is all that should matter to people. I was so upset the last months without her so to have her back in my life makes me the happiest person, if your upset that were talking then be upset, because I am tired of people trying to bring us down. If you ever had a best friend like her then you would understand and be happy for us, rather then being sour. Also to everyone she has very large shoes to fill and to me personally no one in the world will be able to replace those shoes EVER. 

I love you gorgee and can’t wait for the New Year so we can make tons of new memories :) <3 xo

I really want to tell you that every day I wake up I hate that I can’t talk to you, I miss you like I’ve never missed a person. You were my rock and without you I am lost. I’m not a person who can just cut a person from my life, it hurts me everyday when I see you all I want to do is cry. I can’t count how many times I’ve looked through old pictures and just cried, or old videos. I miss having a moon, a gorgee I miss you. I’ve been a wreck the last few months, I don’t think I’ve made it through a day without crying, without thinking of you, without missing you. I just want to be a part of your life, if I thought you wanted me to talk to you I would have I promise, its just that the last thing you said was you needed a break so I was just giving you what you wanted. I have never said anything about being done with you, I miss you more then anyone I’ve ever lost. I don’t like living in a world where I can’t be your sunshine, where we could look at each other and know what we were thinking. I hurt so much cause I miss you, I can’t even function some days because I’m so sad. All I do is lay in bed the whole day reading old messages, looking at picture movies. I hate those moments when your the only person I want to tell something and I can’t. I miss you and what you heard was so out of context, I get upset as in sad when you message me because it makes me miss you so much more because for a second I get hope that your finished with your break, and then remember this isn’t Disney. Fairytales don’t exist.