At a loss for words, I don’t understand how someone who had so much going for him can suddenly be gone. He was only 26 and just had his first son. He won’t get to see his sons first Christmas, his first steps or first words. It’s not fair how someone who had such a big heart can be gone. I’m in disbelief I just keep thinking I’m going to wake up from this nightmare and that everything will be okay. I was suppose to go and see him and his wife and there son tomorrow. Everything is just so messed up now. I feel like this hole will never repair itself, how can it, he was so young. I’m trying to understand why he was taken from us but I just can’t, why him? The only thing that I take comfort in at this time is knowing that because of him, other families received their Christmas miracle as he donated his organs. I’m seriously still in shock, I just don’t know how I’m going to bounce back from this. I just don’t know.
I really want to tell you that every day I wake up I hate that I can’t talk to you, I miss you like I’ve never missed a person. You were my rock and without you I am lost. I’m not a person who can just cut a person from my life, it hurts me everyday when I see you all I want to do is cry. I can’t count how many times I’ve looked through old pictures and just cried, or old videos. I miss having a moon, a gorgee I miss you. I’ve been a wreck the last few months, I don’t think I’ve made it through a day without crying, without thinking of you, without missing you. I just want to be a part of your life, if I thought you wanted me to talk to you I would have I promise, its just that the last thing you said was you needed a break so I was just giving you what you wanted. I have never said anything about being done with you, I miss you more then anyone I’ve ever lost. I don’t like living in a world where I can’t be your sunshine, where we could look at each other and know what we were thinking. I hurt so much cause I miss you, I can’t even function some days because I’m so sad. All I do is lay in bed the whole day reading old messages, looking at picture movies. I hate those moments when your the only person I want to tell something and I can’t. I miss you and what you heard was so out of context, I get upset as in sad when you message me because it makes me miss you so much more because for a second I get hope that your finished with your break, and then remember this isn’t Disney. Fairytales don’t exist.